Posts
So far as I can tell, my children want reality. I am glad to give it to them. Children basically want to be like adults (I say basically b/c this attitude can be curbed by a lack of nurturing it). This is a good thing given the following and let us turn them into principles:
1. Be what they ought to be when they become adults.
2. Nurture their own practice of these skills
3. Use reality as much as possible
4. Remember that probably, your taking time with them is more important than the task itself, so let them help.
5. Encourage ALWAYS excellency and correct procedure.
6. THis applies no less to spiritual discipline, service, and worship.
1) By this I mean that practically if a mature child should know how to cook then cook and let them see it. If they should know how to hold and sing to a new born then hold the new born and sing to it letting your child see it. In other words you are being the living lesson for your children.
2) By this I mean that we should take opportunity to encourage them when they try to mimic us. If my son wants to get his tool bag and help fix the door of our house then by all means I want him to fit right in to the schedule. Find a way to make them understand and feel that their interest is both important and good.
3) THis is controversial but I give my children as much of the real thing as I can. Though Landis cannot yet drive a nail he does have a real hammer. Though he cannot finish tightening a bolt he can turn the wrench for a descent amount of time before its too tight. We let our daughter play with toy cooksets until she could play with real one without getting hurt. Now she is big enough (five yrs old) to help in the kitchen.
5) This does not mean being angry when they mess up. It means not being satisfied until they learn the right way. We praise a good effort to make up a bed but then we take the time to show them helpful tips to do it better (how to get the wrinkles out; principles of organization, etc.). Once they know how to do it with excellence, we expect it. Evangeline is to make her bed "pretty" every day.
6) Do family worship daily if possible. We don't let it pass with "Jesus Loves Me" (as helpful as that is) but we sing hardy songs and read the tough passages and we have our children pray (on their knees) and not just any prayer but for such things as is important for the kingdom (they are allowed to add whatever they'd like).
I want them to pray and think and live through a grid of reality. THis does not rob them of childhood but enriches them. It is we who turn them into little cartoons of chaos.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Family Quiet Times
Several excuses are already in your mind. If your child has a short attention span then it is up to you to train the span of their attention. Don't start with forty-five minutes but with ten one month, 20 the next, and so on. Remember, you decide what habits your children learn, not them. Remember too, you are not giving them habits that they necessarily enjoy but that are necessary for the inner-life-skills that one day they may reflect back on with joy. (No one likes having to save their money until they graduate with a fortune.)
Good habits of the home come hard. We fight against an enemy that would have us be hopeless, defeated little bands of ogres glued forever to a TV or computer screen. One habit that I am currently trying to build into my family's day is a 45 min period of quiet after which we do the normal family worship.
Quietude is a virtue. "Where words are many, sin is not absent" (Prov) and the same may be true for activity. During this time Julie and I do some kind of personal Bible study individually. I don't ask the children to do this but I ask them to not talk during this period, to stay in one place, and to do something reflective such as a puzzle, a book, a drawing, etc. As they grow mentally, I will have them do more wholistic things suited to their abilities.
What this does is nuture obedience, a habit of stillness, and a habit of reflection. Quietness is not easy even though it is good and fulfilling. So it takes committment and accountability. I have hit 20% in my attempts over the last month to show my own struggle with it but I am determined to weekly up this percentage.
Another excuse may be time. Let me suggest that you do not start with holding yourself accountable to the forty-five minute quiet time at first. Instead, set a goal to reduce over the next four weeks your schedule for that period of the day. Plan instead to do something different like watch the news. This is much more motivating for getting you to find the room to do something in a 45 min time slot. After a month, kick the TV or whatever, and replace that time slot with quiet. This is a psychological trick that helps you cope with the change.
Good habits of the home come hard. We fight against an enemy that would have us be hopeless, defeated little bands of ogres glued forever to a TV or computer screen. One habit that I am currently trying to build into my family's day is a 45 min period of quiet after which we do the normal family worship.
Quietude is a virtue. "Where words are many, sin is not absent" (Prov) and the same may be true for activity. During this time Julie and I do some kind of personal Bible study individually. I don't ask the children to do this but I ask them to not talk during this period, to stay in one place, and to do something reflective such as a puzzle, a book, a drawing, etc. As they grow mentally, I will have them do more wholistic things suited to their abilities.
What this does is nuture obedience, a habit of stillness, and a habit of reflection. Quietness is not easy even though it is good and fulfilling. So it takes committment and accountability. I have hit 20% in my attempts over the last month to show my own struggle with it but I am determined to weekly up this percentage.
Another excuse may be time. Let me suggest that you do not start with holding yourself accountable to the forty-five minute quiet time at first. Instead, set a goal to reduce over the next four weeks your schedule for that period of the day. Plan instead to do something different like watch the news. This is much more motivating for getting you to find the room to do something in a 45 min time slot. After a month, kick the TV or whatever, and replace that time slot with quiet. This is a psychological trick that helps you cope with the change.
For Dads out there
I am struck by my own laziness and the amount of grace and sweat it requires to establish habits that reflect a meaningful and delightful way of life. This may sound contradictory since it is questionable whether a delightful way of life includes sweat! Nevertheless, I think it is demonstrable.
First, when I was in Jr. High the most delightful season of basketball was at the same time the most demanding and excruciating. Coach Flick would run us to a near death experience in practic. . . .but we were good! Oh were we good! And we loved being good!
Second, take premarital sex as a moral example. It takes sweat and self-denial to say no to premarital intimacy. However, who has the more delightful marriage? or love life in general? It is the one who waited. In fact, it is the one who continues to restrict his sexual activity to his wife that has the more delightful love life.
Third, take fasting. If I fast breakfast and lunch and you don't, who will enjoy supper more?
Or let us reverse the argument. Suppose you have the highest of standards for good music or even for a good future wife. Your idealism itself "delights not in lesser things". How can I profane my life now in view of the reward I will receive? For we Christians we have an extra measure of help in this way: the Holy Spirit who is our deposit of joy until the day we are raised from the dead; our deposit of joy while we bear our cross in expectation of that day. Thus the early Christian with delight cast themselves to the damn beasts of Rome's coliseum.
Fathers, it takes sweat to be a good father and a good husband. Suck it up you big babies! Fix this in your mind, that you do not admire yourself as a stupid, lazy, fartslipping idiot of a man. Instead, you admire yourself as strong in character, persevering in trial, responsible with all things, and respectful to all manner of men. Who admires an idiot? Who admires laziness? Who admires a man that speaks harshly to his wife? It may be easy, it may be funny. But it is despicable and nothing your sons will admire (the Lord forgive you if they imitate it).
"Awake thou that sleepest, arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee life!" Eph 5
First, when I was in Jr. High the most delightful season of basketball was at the same time the most demanding and excruciating. Coach Flick would run us to a near death experience in practic. . . .but we were good! Oh were we good! And we loved being good!
Second, take premarital sex as a moral example. It takes sweat and self-denial to say no to premarital intimacy. However, who has the more delightful marriage? or love life in general? It is the one who waited. In fact, it is the one who continues to restrict his sexual activity to his wife that has the more delightful love life.
Third, take fasting. If I fast breakfast and lunch and you don't, who will enjoy supper more?
Or let us reverse the argument. Suppose you have the highest of standards for good music or even for a good future wife. Your idealism itself "delights not in lesser things". How can I profane my life now in view of the reward I will receive? For we Christians we have an extra measure of help in this way: the Holy Spirit who is our deposit of joy until the day we are raised from the dead; our deposit of joy while we bear our cross in expectation of that day. Thus the early Christian with delight cast themselves to the damn beasts of Rome's coliseum.
Fathers, it takes sweat to be a good father and a good husband. Suck it up you big babies! Fix this in your mind, that you do not admire yourself as a stupid, lazy, fartslipping idiot of a man. Instead, you admire yourself as strong in character, persevering in trial, responsible with all things, and respectful to all manner of men. Who admires an idiot? Who admires laziness? Who admires a man that speaks harshly to his wife? It may be easy, it may be funny. But it is despicable and nothing your sons will admire (the Lord forgive you if they imitate it).
"Awake thou that sleepest, arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee life!" Eph 5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)